Wednesday--Woe is me!

I feel like crap--I hope that's a good sign. Coffee is now making my stomach turn--I think my husband is cheering! Headache, backache, tired and moody. Pregnancy has hit me hard.

And I've opened up a big can of worms. I'm looking into my paternal history and it's not pretty. I never knew my natural father. He and my mother divorced when I was two and she would never offer much information about him. She said he left her for his first wife and knew the area where they lived. A few months before she died, I decided to look up geneological information online and discovered that he had died in 1991. That got me wondering if he had medical problems, etc. That part's always been missing from my medical charts. My husband has encouraged me to look up his family and get some answers.

So, last week, I decided to write who I thought was his wife and see if she could tell me anything about him. Well, apparently, she knew nothing about me, was quite upset, and is communicating through another family member. I've sent the only two pictures I have of my father to this person to see if he can confirm his identity.

Everything within me is screaming--"No!! Don't do it! Don't go there!" But I have a desire to know who I am. I have a great dad already, and don't need any more relationships, but I think it's everyone's right to know where they come from, even if it's a wierd and mixed up history.

I'm such a conflict-hater, though, that I'm scared someone will call me and yell at me or think I'm after money or something. Everyone out there who knows your natural parents, whether together or divorced, whether alive or dead--BE THANKFUL! I'll update you with any more info I get.