Tuesday, September 13, 2005

When you can't say something nice...

I got in my 20 minute walk in the suburb across the street this morning while Meg was in preschool. Zoe slept soundly in her stroller and I enjoyed the peace, solitude and prayer time while I walked, stopping often for a few sips of water on this humid morning. I'm starting to really enjoy my morning walks twice a week. It's about the only time I can get my mind focused on talking and fellowshipping with God.

One issue has been dominating my prayer time for a week or so. Yesterday, I called a lady from our church who is organizing a list of people who are willing to provide shelter to hurricane Katrina victims. I told her to sign us up as we have extra bedrooms in our basement. I've been really anxious about it and not sure how we're going to manage it, but my husband actually came up with the idea first, and when HE comes up with something like that, I figure God must be urging the issue. So, I figured if it's His idea, then He'll provide what we need to manage extra people staying with us.

Another issue I've really began praying about and must keep in prayer about constantly is my attitude. I've been Ms. Negativity for too long. I am so impatient, angry, discontented, and frustrated, that I lash out at my family and don't keep in contact with friends and extended family. One reason for all of it is that my 3 year old is a very strong-willed little girl, and her personality and mine clash. I end up yelling and spanking way too much. It's hard for me to accomodate her constant arguing and defiance and learn how to deal with it accordingly. I've had a hard time enjoying her toddlerhood because I can't mature enough to handle her behavior. So, I've hit a point where I KNOW I have to address the problem and work on MY own behavior before I can effectively deal with Megan's. I'm afraid I'm going to scar our relationship for life if things don't change soon. I know children are pretty forgiving, but I don't want us to hate each other when she grows up. I have that mommy dream that I'll be great friends with my daughters when they grow up and they will feel like they can talk to me about anything. Might be unrealistic to a point, but it's worth trying for!

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