Over the past few months, I've really felt God working in my life. Quite differently from the previous months. But it wasn't His fault.
You know when there are times that you just don't feel God's pull in your own life? Maybe you see Him in other's lives or you don't see Him at all. You start to doubt that He's still paying attention. You start to doubt yourself, your motives, everything around you. Then, you wake up and realize--you were trying to go at it all alone. You thought you had it all figured out and just didn't bother to consult the "big guy". Why bring Him into it--it's all under control, right?
Until it's not. Then you finally seek His guidance. And He's there, like He always has been. I finally started asking God to help me through this mid-life crisis or whatever I'm going through and put me where He wants me.
And He answered of course. We've started this new "hang-ups and habits" Bible study in church. Of course, just weeks prior, he started talking to me about some issues that I've been stumbling over my whole life. Yeah, He was preparing me for this study. And just yesterday, He opened up a part-time opportunity that I thought I wasn't going to have. So, there's the money I need for my writing class. And I've found a couple of great little websites with like-minded people who are practicing their own writing skills.
I'm truly not expecting instant fame here. Or fame at all really. It may be years before anything comes of it, but I think I'm doing what I want to do and what He's leading me toward. He may lead me somewhere else eventually, but I'm gonna stick with it and give it my best. I know He's still workin on me and I'll probably always struggle with my own "stuff" and stumble on it. But, today, I acknowledge and thank Him for not giving up on me. Even when I want to control everything. Even when I want to give up on myself.